Let’s Talk About Normalizing and Reducing Shame Around Sex
Sex. It’s one of the most natural human experiences, yet it’s also one of the most stigmatized. For generations, conversations around sex have been cloaked in secrecy, judgment, and misinformation. This silence fosters shame, guilt, and confusion—often leaving people feeling isolated in their questions, desires, and experiences.
It’s time we changed that. By taking a sex-positive approach—one that embraces sexuality as a healthy and natural part of life—we can begin to reduce the shame that so many people carry around sex. So, let’s talk about what that means and how we can get there together.
What Is Sex Positivity?
Sex positivity is the belief that all consensual sexual activities are fundamentally healthy and that sexuality is a personal choice that should be free from judgment or coercion. Our sexuality is a big part of who we are, not our whole self, but a piece of the pie so to speak of all the parts that makes us who we are. It promotes open, honest dialogue and respects the diversity of sexual orientations, expressions, and preferences.
Being sex-positive doesn’t mean encouraging everyone to have more sex. Yea, I hear this misconception a lot! Instead, it means encouraging people to feel safe, respected, and informed about their own bodies and boundaries, whether they’re sexually active or not. It means validating curiosity, dismantling myths, and holding space for all kinds of experiences without shame. This includes fantasies, desires and many forms of kink.
How Shame Shows Up
Sexual shame can take many forms. Research suggests there is a significant correlation between religion and sexual shame, with both religious teachings and societal norms playing a role in shaping individuals experiences. It can come from a lack of education, where people don’t feel empowered to ask questions or seek information. It can result from trauma, societal double standards, or even the way media portrays what’s “normal” or desirable.
Shame thrives in silence. If you’ve ever felt like your desires were wrong, your experiences weren’t valid, or your body wasn’t good enough, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken.
The Power of Open Conversation
One of the most powerful tools in reducing shame is simply talking openly about sex. This doesn’t mean oversharing or pushing boundaries, but rather creating environments—among friends, partners, families, and communities—where questions can be asked without fear and information can be shared with compassion.
Sex education plays a crucial role here. When we move beyond fear-based or abstinence-only approaches and instead teach young people about consent, pleasure, communication, and body autonomy, we help them build a healthier relationship with their sexuality from the start.
It’s also important for adults to continue unlearning shame and seeking knowledge. It’s never too late to understand your body, explore your desires, or challenge old beliefs.
Embracing Diversity and Pleasure
Sex is not one-size-fits-all. People experience it in countless ways: solo, with partners, with no interest at all. There’s no “right” way to be sexual (or asexual). Normalizing this diversity helps dismantle the idea that anyone who doesn’t fit a narrow mold of what sex is supposed to be according to societal norms, religious beliefs, what we heard from the environment in which we were raised is abnormal or less deserving of love and connection. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Pleasure, too, is often overlooked in conversations about sex—especially for marginalized genders and identities. Emphasizing that pleasure is a valid and valuable part of sex helps to shift the narrative from duty or performance to mutual joy, curiosity, and care.
Moving Toward a Shame-Free Future
Reducing shame around sex isn’t about having all the answers or agreeing on everything. Let’s be real, it’s impossible for everyone to agree on everything or claim they know it all. It’s about fostering respect, compassion, and honesty. It’s about advocating for comprehensive sex education, supporting survivors, celebrating consent, and listening to voices that have been silenced.
We all have the power to be part of this shift. Whether it’s by having an honest conversation with a partner, educating yourself on sex-positive resources, seeing a sex therapist to dismantle unhealthy stigmatized beliefs, and unlearning harmful messages you grew up with.
When sex is treated with openness instead of judgment, we don’t just become better lovers or partners—we become more whole, more connected, and more empowered human beings.